When Love Becomes An Obsession

For most people, love is a wonderful and rewarding feeling. It is that state in which we bond with someone in freedom to create a common project. Now, in other cases love is little more than an obsession. They are situations where an almost manic desire to possess the other person appears. These signs outline insecure and jealous individuals, with many deficiencies, the same ones that they project in the relationship.

This way of acting with respect to the other causes relationships with other people to be resentful. They are obsessed with their partner or the person they want. They even go to the limit of chasing her, stalking her, controlling her to know where she is at all times. They have an excruciating fear that this person may leave their side.

Beyond seeing these situations as something specific, there is an aspect that should be kept in mind. We must know how to differentiate healthy love from obsessive love. The latter shapes delusional behaviors that completely wear down and destroy a relationship. Even more, in 1% of cases we can even be faced with a mental disorder. Let’s see more data below.

What is obsessive love?

In a relationship, obsessive love means that someone has gone beyond affection and respect, and has gone on to violate the rights of the couple (or the person with whom they have fallen in love without it corresponding). Likewise, there are cases in which this type of affective condition can even lead to violence, physical or psychological aggression.

The healthy and enriching love we talked about a moment ago will never cross these limits. Not only is there a commitment, what is above all is respect for the other person. Respect for your privacy, your personal freedom, your way of being and acting. The moment someone breaks through these personal barriers, anxiety and a sense of threat appear.

However, there is a detail that usually occurs on many occasions. In the event that we maintain a relationship with a person with an affective-obsessive behavior, it is common for us to distort many of these behaviors.

There are those who, for example, confuse jealousy with love and even the need for control with passion. We must be objective and sensitive to this type of dynamics, knowing how to differentiate authentic and respectful love from that which is clearly obsessive.

What is behind a person with an obsessive behavior in love?

We pointed out at the beginning, generally a part of these behaviors have some kind of psychological problem behind them. Let’s see some examples:

• People with obsessive compulsive disorder can show this behavior: they are profiles characterized by low self-esteem  and with the permanent need for others to fill their emotional voids and solve all their problems. They also feel trapped by their fears and marked insecurities. They are also individuals who at a given moment can see or meet someone and begin to obsess.
• People with attachment disorders: it is another striking factor that would also explain obsessive behavior in love, where someone projects bond disorders originated in early childhood into their relationships.

• Erotomania or Clerambault syndrome: it is a disorder where someone thinks that there is a person tremendously in love with him or her. This allows him to display seductive, harassing and persecuting behaviors.

How to deal with an obsession for a person

Like all other psychological disorders, it is important to deal with the problem. But, for this, it must be the person who suffers from the obsessive disorder who wants to end it, who takes the definitive step towards that search for professional and specialized help. If other people force it, it won’t be effective.

On the other hand, if we ourselves have fallen into that state of obsession with someone, it is time to become aware and face the problem. These are the steps we should take.

Put distance

Get away from the problem  and let the person go. This is especially important if you have started to show harassment, persecution and surveillance behaviors. Assume, accept and reflect on your behavior is not correct and make a firm decision: stop in this dynamic. Out of respect for the other person and for yourself.

Putting yourself in the place of the other

Look inside yourself and understand the other person’s posture. Empathize and understand that love is not synonymous with possession.  If possession enters the picture (and becomes a necessity for you) it is a warning sign that it is unhealthy, dangerous and harmful behavior for all parties.

Trust in yourself

Work on your self-esteem and confidence in two ways. Both in your own person and in others. Understand that  low self-esteem is the cause of these types of disorders. Therefore, choose activities that help you feel good, that provide you with well-being and self-confidence to promote your emotional and personal development.

Be active

Choose a hobby that you like, because in addition to developing a skill that will give you more confidence, it will help you overcome that feeling of helplessness and despondency, channeling all your energy into excelling in that activity. Play sports, set yourself new goals and open up your social circles a little more. Try to relativize thoughts, free your mind …

Ask for help

Seek professional help, from friends and family. A professional can listen to your problems and thus find the root of them to agree on an action plan between the two. Individualized care or through support groups usually works very well in these cases.

On the other hand, if you have a positive circle of friends, the impact will also be very enriching if you take the step and open up with them to start new plans, activities with which to channel anxiety and those intrusive thoughts that shape the ball of the obsession.

To conclude, remember that authentic love, the most significant, knows no ties, no limits or constant checks. Love must be free.