The Beautiful Task Of Repairing A Destroyed Self-love
Surely you have read and heard several people saying that self-love is a fundamental pillar to lift or continue any project. And it is true. This concept is a kind of magic key that opens all doors. It helps you avoid or overcome depression, dependencies, relationship problems, family and work conflicts and many others.
Self-love is king in the infinite garden of human emotions. There’s no doubt. The bad thing is that if you are one of those people who has gone through very difficult experiences, such as lack of love in childhood, abuse, harassment and similar situations, you never finish understanding how to make self-love stop be just a pretty expression.
Strictly speaking, you have strong self-esteem if you came into the world as a result of wanting you to exist. But you must also have had an emotionally healthy mother, united by love for a mentally healthy father. This, of course, must have remained stable, at least during your early childhood. Is it your case?
Surely many of you have answered no. That they don’t quite understand why they were conceived. That their parents could be put many labels less emotionally healthy people. That his childhood passed with happy times, but also with deficiencies, mistreatment and sometimes with enormous traumas. That is why that of self-love seems little more than a utopia: beautiful, yes, but unattainable.
Self-love is no one’s “fault” or “gift”
It is an unpleasant phrase because it does not stop giving us the responsibility that one day we deposited in another place, in another person. It is very tempting to blame others for what happens to us. And the list of possible culprits is headed by our parents. Ah, if they had … or if they had stopped doing … We would be so different if they had been wonderful! But, have you ever wondered what his own story was like? how had their parents been with them? Is it worth denying all the generations that precede us?
The usual thing is that parents with low self-esteem transmit it to their children. They would have wanted otherwise, but they couldn’t give what they didn’t have. Surely the same thing happened to their parents. The chain goes on forever until someone, in some generation, decides to stop the series, closing the wound. The most advisable thing is to do it through a therapy, but there are also other ways that contribute.
Any of the paths taken is valid if it leads to repairing a destroyed self-love. But the best way to start that task is to give up blaming others. It takes courage and greatness to do it. It generates a certain discomfort. However, it is also a way to break the strongest link in the chain, the one that keeps you from moving forward.
Give value to the small, to the details
You may have imagined that if you win a major award, such as a Nobel Prize, your self-esteem would have the nutrient it needs to grow strong. Or if someone finds out that you are a misunderstood genius. Or if they love you, beyond any test. Or if everyone expresses their appreciation and the world stops when you have a difficulty.
Fantasies that include great exaltations to the self are common in those who have little self-esteem. In a way they don’t want less than that, and sometimes they think that the most discreet achievements amount to nothing. What they omit is that every great achievement is the fruit of gigantic efforts, made up of small achievements. It is those small advances that give enough strength to continue.
The great works of the human being are basically made of perseverance. At the same time, constancy is a trait that only takes its place in a heart where self-love nests. Large-scale efforts require strong will. And when there is low self-esteem, the first victim is the will. You see? Everything becomes a vicious cycle.
Hence the importance of learning to value small achievements. Please don’t overlook what you do well every day. Don’t detract from your efforts, big and small. Sometimes just getting on with your day demands a lot from you. If you succeed, do not stop acknowledging it. Fight against that little voice that insists on reproaching you for everything, on criticizing everything. You are the first who has the obligation to give value to who you are and what you do. Think about it.
Images courtesy of Aykut Aydoğdu
