Scar Number 21: The Birth Of Resilience

I’m 21 years old. No, it is not that I am very clumsy, although surely I have had 21 accidents in my life, even a few more. In this case, when I speak of scars I mean psychological scars. I am talking about the events or moments in life in which you feel lost, everything turns gray and you enter an anhedonic state: a state in which there is an inability to feel pleasure or enjoy things that used to fill you up.

Have you felt like this? Are you going through one of those moments now? If the answer is yes, I will tell you that I am too. It is perfectly normal and, in fact, it has been shown that evolutionarily we need to go through moments of crisis to cognitively restructure and move on. Many of you will think, yes, the theory is great but… What do I do if I don’t have the strength to get out of bed? That is why I am going to talk to you about a very fashionable term in contemporary psychology: resilience.

What is resilience?

Do you know Scrat, the squirrel from Ice Age? Surely many of you do. Scrat could be an example of resilience. Resilience is defined as the ability to overcome pain constructively, that is, learning and seeing it as an opportunity for change and a useful tool rather than a drag. This ability can be learned with some commitment and effort.

There are many cases that we see on television or in cartoons for the little ones, the so-called “examples of overcoming”. When we face these people with such an attitude towards life, we affirm that their success is due to their strength and desire to live. As if we did not have those “magical qualities”, when it is not at all like that. Resilience is a sum of communication skills, coping strategies, and a healthy lifestyle.

What can we do to bring resilience into our lives?

To do this, according to the APA (American Psychological Association), you have to follow the following steps:

• Maintain rewarding social relationships:  help and let yourself be helped.
• Conceptualize obstacles as something that can be overcome:  the classic “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade” or “if life gives you sticks, build a hut.” Value the positive aspects “of the quagmire in which you are immersed” and take advantage of them.
• The change is necessary and inevitable:  accept the circumstances and identifies that things themselves can change and things you do not are now at your fingertips.
• Visualization, optimism can be learned:  our expectations can influence how we perceive reality, this has been related to the “placebo effect” and is what the visualization technique is based on. It consists of building an alternative future to achieve these objectives by mentally projecting it with a multisensory implication; pretend to actually smell the burnt wheel of your new car skidding or hear your son give his graduation speech. This technique is called “bridge to the future.”

• You are the main actor in the work of your life:  take the reins, do not avoid confronting difficult situations.
• Rediscover yourself: what has changed in you? What are your strengths thanks to this problem?
• Faith:  I’m not talking about religious faith necessarily. Trust yourself, your friend, your daughter … And your future possibilities.
• Direction is more important than speed – set  simple short-term goals for big, long-term achievements.
• Mens sana in corpore sana:  love yourself, no one knows you better than you. Identify your wishes and interests and fulfill them. Breathe, go for a walk, take a bubble bath, make tea or put on your favorite movie by and for you.
• Express your pain:  write what you feel, meditate, paint or talk to someone.

Hobbies that facilitate resilience

However, there are other ways to clear your mind and find your way. It is well known that music has many benefits and therapeutic effects, both in healthy people and during illness. Music therapy is effective as a communication channel for feelings and emotions. To find out what I’m talking about, listen to the lyrics of the following song:

There are numerous studies in this regard, where its success is evidenced in children with school difficulties, older people with Alzheimer’s, OCD, autism … Its benefit is especially important in those disorders in which there are communication deficits or in childhood, due to the difficulty to be able to transmit the psychological or emotional discomfort verbally.

Another way could be to read or walk outside your city. Exercising half an hour a day has been shown to promote a healthy state of mind. Why? When we exercise we release a neurotransmitter called serotonin in our brain that makes us feel happy and satisfied. Depression, among other associated factors, is related to a serotonin deficit.

Resilience is not a mathematical formula

Painting, writing, playing the guitar and being at home with my family works for me personally. I am capable of expressing and feeling in art what I cannot say with words. Although, since each one is a world … The only true key is to have little moments for yourself, with what you like. You can also disconnect with activities with “more action” such as going to a rally or climbing.

Try to know yourself again, take care of yourself and pamper yourself. In your life, you are the main actor. You decide to make up the scar or make it an identifying feature that you are proud of, like Harry Potter. With that said, cheer up luck and… Let’s cultivate resilience!

As an example of resilience, I encourage you to look for the case of Pablo Raéz, a boy from Malaga, an example of overcoming adversity without ceasing to be aware of what he is facing. He has been able to inspire thousands of people who have been encouraged to donate marrow thanks to his campaign “Challenge one million”, to which I add… Fuerza Raéz!

Dedication. It goes for you Bea, for trusting me by showing me yours.