Rejection Is The Deepest Emotional Wound

There are wounds that are not seen but that can take root deeply in our soul and live with us the rest of our days. They are the emotional wounds, the traces of the problems experienced in childhood and that sometimes determine how our quality of life will be when we are adults.

One of the deepest emotional wounds is that of rejection because the person who suffers from it feels rejected inside, interpreting everything that happens around him through the filter of his wound, feeling rejected at times even though it is not.

Let’s see in more detail what this wound consists of.

Origin of the emotional wound of rejection

To reject means to resist, despise or deny, which we can translate into “not wanting” something or someone. This wound arises from the rejection of the parents towards their child or, on occasions, from feeling rejected by the parents, without any intention on their part.

Before the first experiences of rejection, a mask will begin to be created to protect oneself from this heartbreaking feeling that is linked to the underestimation of oneself and that is characterized by an elusive personality according to the investigations carried out by Lise Bourbeau. Thus, the first reaction of the person who feels rejected will be to run away, so it is not uncommon for children to invent an imaginary world.

The rejection that the child may feel from his parents can trigger  long-term internal and external consequences.  Gracia, Lila and Musitu (2005)  stand out  among the internalized behaviors : passivity, apathy, social withdrawal, depressive feelings, self-destructive behaviors, nervous disorders and somatic problems. Among the externalized behaviors  we find impulsivity, hyperactivity, disobedience, destructive behavior, lack of self-control and violent behavior.

In cases of overprotection, beyond the superficial facet masked by love, the child will be perceived as rejected because he is not accepted as he is. The message that comes to him is that his abilities are not valid and that is why they have to protect him.

How is the person who has the wound of rejection

A part of our personality is formed from the emotional wounds suffered in childhood. For this reason, the person who suffers the wound of rejection is characterized by undervaluing himself and seeking perfection at all costs. This situation will lead her to a constant search for recognition from others that will be difficult for her to satisfy.

The words “nothing”, “nonexistent” or “disappear” will be part of his habitual vocabulary, confirming the belief and feeling of rejection that is so impregnated. In this way, it is normal for her to prefer solitude because if she receives a lot of attention there will be a greater chance of being despised. If she has to share experiences with more people, she will try to tiptoe, under the shell that is built, hardly without speaking and if she does, it will only be to instill value in herself.

In addition, she lives in constant ambivalence because when she is elected she does not believe it and rejects herself and even sabotages the situation and when she is not, she feels rejected by others. With the passage of time, the person who suffers the wound of rejection and does not heal it, can become resentful and come to hatred, the result of intense suffering.

Heal the emotional wound of rejection

The deeper the rejection wound, the greater the rejection of oneself or others, which can be hidden behind shame. In addition, there will be a greater tendency to flee, but this is only a mask to protect against the suffering generated by this wound.

The wound of rejection is healed by paying special attention to self-esteem, beginning to value and recognize oneself without needing the approval of others. For it:

• A fundamental step is as part of yourself to be able to release all trapped feelings. If we deny the presence of our suffering, we cannot work to heal it.

• Once accepted, the next step would be. First of all to ourselves for the treatment we give ourselves and secondly to others, because the people who have hurt us probably also suffer some deep pain or a hurtful experience.
• Begin to . Paying attention to ourselves and giving ourselves the love and value we deserve is an essential emotional need to continue growing.

We can’t fill infinity

Some perspectives assure that our authentic nature is infinite and making a parallel with this belief we will observe that until we heal the wound, nothing will make us happy. Rejection will become a black hole that little by little will engulf and destroy everything external that makes us happy. When they give us a compliment, we will reject it, and it may even make us feel bad. When someone wants to spend time with us we will think that they do it because they have nothing better to do.

The feeling of rejection would be equivalent to infinity, and everything that is external will only fill it temporarily, so the most important thing is to start from within. It is an inner work that we must start as soon as possible, because after all, this feeling of rejection is nothing more than our way of seeing life. And if we begin to change our focus and our view of reality, we begin to experience a completely different life.

Although we cannot erase the suffering experienced in the past, we can always alleviate our wounds and help them heal so that their pain disappears or at least is relieved. Because according to what Nelson Mandela said, we are somehow captains of our soul.