People Who Don’t Respect Your Feelings: Why Is It?

«Again sad and not wanting anything? It is that you are always the same, you have no remedy. What you have to do is go out and have fun . People who do not respect your feelings do not hesitate to judge you, to show that emotional coldness that puzzles you and that, in some way, increases your discomfort even more. If you are familiar with this feeling, you have probably wondered why they act this way.

Don’t they have a heart? Maybe that’s the way it is, instead of having one of valves, veins and arteries, they have one made of tin and quite rusty. However, as we well know, it is not the heart that governs the universe of emotional connection and respect for the other. It is the brain that orchestrates situations as basic as connecting with the feelings of the person in front of me to act accordingly.

We call this last process empathizing. However, this lack of understanding and even respect for the other sometimes transcends a little beyond said emotional competence. There is also the lack of interest and even certain neurological abnormalities that are worth considering.

The lack of respect and that coldness in the treatment undermines in many cases our happiness and internal balance. Because if there is something that human beings need from a very early age, it is to feel understood, to perceive that whoever is close shows an active interest in their well-being.

People who don’t respect your feelings: causes you should know

There is a cornerstone in every type of relationship that sustains and feeds us: respect. Thanks to this psychological muscle, interpersonal relationships flow, move, breathe and consolidate. It is also a two-way street: you give it to me and I offer it to you, you take me into account and I recognize you, accept you and respect you. All this makes up one of the most beautiful verbs of the bonds between people: respect.

Now, there is a more decisive language and it is without a doubt the need to respect feelings. This is possibly a much more complex craft, because, as we well know, many of us continue to suspend emotions and feelings in that matter of life. Thus, we could say without mistake that there are people who do not respect your feelings because they neither see them nor connect with them.

You can come home from work worried about the possibility of a dismissal and it is possible that your partner does not perceive that internal reality in you. It may also be that a child suffers bullying and neither parents nor teachers perceive the reality they are going through. They are situations in which the emotional realities of others are not seen or detected.

On the other hand, there are also other types of situations and that is that the other person does see those emotions in us and chooses to censor them. «It’s that you worry about nothing, right away you take it all away and you think the worst. So the best thing you can do is forget the subject for once. With comments of this type they block feelings and not only that they underestimate and humiliate.

And we insist, once again, few things are more harmful than a lack of understanding in terms of emotions. Let’s see now what explains why there are people who do not respect your feelings.

The three types of empathy and the absence of any of them

Psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman broke down the concept of empathy into three very specific categories:

• First, there is cognitive empathy, that which defines the ability to understand how a person feels and what they might be thinking.
• Emotional empathy or affective empathy, on the other hand, defines that ability to feel what the other feels. Thanks to that competence we can build deeper emotional connections with others.
• Finally, we also find compassionate empathy, which goes beyond understanding and what it seeks above all is to act, take measures to help and improve the reality of who we have in front of us.

Differentiating these three types of empathy, we could say that those who do not respect our feelings can, for example, understand and know very well what is happening to us but still feel that they do not care (they show cognitive empathy but not emotional empathy). In other cases, however, it may happen that no empathic process appears.

They neither understand nor feel, and even less are they motivated to act.

They don’t respect your feelings because they prioritize theirs

You may be angry, but I am more, so my emotional state has more relevance than yours. It is possible that right now you feel sad about that news that you have received, but at this moment I have other things in mind and I would not know what to say to you either. So I’m going to pretend I haven’t noticed your state of mind and get on with my life.

These types of situations show more than a lack of empathy. The relief of selfishness and emotional abandonment is glimpsed. It does not help us to have a bond with that someone who does not take us into account emotionally. Whoever puts their feelings before those of the person in front of them acts like a true emotional sniper.

I know you have feelings but I don’t know how to act

There are people who do not respect your feelings and it is not for lack of empathy. They know something is happening to you, they notice your emotions but still they don’t know how to act or what to do. These situations may be mediated by alexithymia, a condition that can be explained by an emotional learning disorder or by a neurological abnormality.

They are profiles that show a certain coldness, reserve, introspection and a low sense of humor. There are different degrees and some people show only a few small characteristics. Others show a clear coldness and inability to understand and act on the emotions of others. Now, they not only show this incompetence in the face of the emotional state of others.

Alexithymics also have trouble understanding their own feelings, naming their emotions, and acting accordingly. They are as we see, highly complex situations.

To conclude, people who do not respect or understand your feelings act this way for various reasons. It is not easy to live with someone who blocks or ignores what you feel, the effects of this wear can be immense. Let’s take this into account and respond by prioritizing our mental health.