Passive Aggressive Disorder: Living In Ambiguity

Your partner does not feel like going to an event to which you have been invited, but in the end he agrees to accompany you. However, it wastes time in such a way that when it is already arranged, the party is almost over. This is one of the behaviors that people with passive aggressive disorder can have.

Also known as silent aggressiveness or oppositional personality disorder, it is much more common than we think. However, it is very difficult to detect because these people are often elusive and tend to go unnoticed.

How do people with passive aggressive disorder act?

The key to their behavior is the resistance they offer to external demands. That is, they adopt a very passive attitude towards essential and reasonable obligations that anyone must assume in their day-to-day life.

It is very difficult to get along with them because they try at all costs to avoid responsibilities. They simply “forget” them or put them last on their priority list. For example, if they have promised to bring bread to eat, they leave home to buy it when the diners are already seated and ready to start lunch. It is an exacerbated disinterest.

These patients are usually demanding, dependent, have a fear of being alone and have little confidence in themselves. They are people with double faces, who live between two extremes, which generates great confusion around them. They are manipulative, pessimistic and resentful. In addition, they do not conceive of self-criticism and they do not feel guilt. They try to justify all their actions or look for any excuse that serves to exempt themselves, no matter how ridiculous.

Surrounded by ambiguity and anger

People with passive aggressive disorder often show a total disagreement between what they say and what they do. It is almost impossible to know how they feel, because normally they do not act in one way or in two totally opposite ways.

It is, for example, as if your partner told you at the same time “I don’t love you anymore. I have stopped feeling love for you ”and, immediately afterwards, I cried out“ never leave me! I can not live without you!”. They maintain ambiguous communication at all times, more indirect than direct.

The most normal thing is that if someone is bothered by a behavior that another has had, they comment on it and try to fix it. They do not. They shut it up, keep it for themselves, and act outwardly as if nothing had happened. However, his inner self is enraged.

Therefore, they live complacent, but full of fury. And that anger is never expressed because they think it is a totally unacceptable feeling. That is why they repress it and are unable to express it in a healthy way.

In fact, they camouflage it so well that, even if they are engulfed in anger, normally no one in their environment realizes that they are offended or upset. They appear to be warm, close, docile and pleasant, but deep down they are envious, vindictive and angry.

Protesting and moody

Passive aggressive disorder makes a person sullen, suspicious, and lonely. His character becomes indomitable and he becomes moody, irritable, and irascible.

They are subjects who continually feel they are being treated unfairly. Faced with this, they tend to act hostile or cynical. being stubborn. Their projection goes to the extreme and no matter what reasonable explanations you give them, they will always believe the victims. In addition, they are disrespectful and as a way of defending their independence they often reject suggestions made by the people around them.

Obstruction and control

For them, it is very important that the people around them do not get what they want. They are pure appearance. Although they make you believe that they support you and that they walk by your hand, their actions really show otherwise. They will never give you what you ask for.

For this reason, they do not believe in time limits. If you set a deadline for them to deliver or do something, as a general rule, they will not meet it. They prefer to do things their own way and without feeling pressured or compromised.

This greatly affects your job performance. If your boss asks you for a report by tomorrow, not only will you not have it ready, but you will not justify your delay or try to explain why you did not do it. Just let time go by until he feels like doing it. In some cases, these people even tell a made-up story or manipulate certain information to get out of the situation.

Causes of passive aggressive disorder

Although they are not known with certainty, several experts consider that their origin is a mixture of biological and environmental factors. Therefore, self-esteem, attachment in childhood, family dynamics, or learned behaviors would influence.

Childhood abuse, excessive punishment, or substance abuse during adolescence can also promote development. Other conditions that resemble passive aggressive disorder behaviors include attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), stress, depression, bipolar disorder, various personality disorders, or various addictions.

How to deal with people with passive aggressive disorder

We already see that it is not easy to respond or confront their behaviors, because the feeling that they generate in the people around them is that of helplessness.

If you need to be in close contact with some “aggressive bottom”, it is best that you do not get carried away by his bad mood and respond with kindness. Being positive, optimistic, introducing humor or talking about trivial topics is the best way to resist the negative influence of your behavior.

If we have enough influence to achieve this, it is recommended that the person seek psychological help. The psychotherapist will try to reduce your anger and frustration, teaching you effective coping strategies. The specialist will work on your objectivity, assertiveness and problem solving in an effective and healthy way.