My Favorite Place, With You (emotional Spaces)

One of the basic rules of mental health is to inhabit and function daily in positive emotional spaces. They are those where the main rule is “to be and to let be”, they are environments where we can grow feeling free, but in turn linked to something or someone. Therefore, we should all have a favorite place, an enriching setting where we can flourish and grow emotionally.

The subject of emotional spaces is not new, however, most of the documentation and bibliography that we find is almost always associated with work contexts. In fact, and as we all know, in few places do we receive as much the impact of the emotional climate as in that place where we go to work every day. In them, there  are not always facilitating variables with which we feel comfortable to relate, or even to put all our human potential in the hands of the organization itself.

However, we can say that the always interesting topic of emotional space goes far beyond the work context. To begin with, there is a basic aspect that we cannot forget: from the moment there is a physical space where one or more people live, a certain climate is created. All of us “release” emotional emissions, which added to those of the other members, make up an enriching, hostile or neutral atmosphere.

In turn, something very curious that some psychologists explain is that often five minutes is enough to capture, for example, the emotional climate of a house and a family. Just by reading the expressions, the tone of the voices and the style of communication you can undoubtedly deduce many things.

What’s more, real estate agents even know that within 30 seconds of entering a house, the person already knows whether or not they like it. Because sometimes, even though an environment is empty of people, our brain continues to be impregnated with highly subjective emotional stimuli (the luminosity, colors and those specific details to which our mind will give an emotional value based on our experiences and personality style) .

As we can see, we are facing a topic as interesting as it is broad.

Emotional spaces, places where the heart stays

Herman Mellville used to say that the most beautiful places do not appear on maps. The most beautiful spaces are those that are built between two people who love each other in a mature way, who tear down their own walls to expand and expand the other, who sow respect and reap satisfaction, who invest in their own happiness knowing that this internal well-being reverts to turn into being loved.

Positive and quality emotional spaces, beyond what we may think, are not easy to build. A mistake, which often makes us wreck in this purpose, is to think that every happy and meaningful environment is built by making others happy. In this way, and as an example, we facilitate that our position in a work environment is that of the complacent-submissive who lacks the initiative to propose and generate, with their attitude, positive changes for the organization.

Meanwhile, at a relational or family level, we would shape that figure that prioritizes the emotions of others over its own, generating in the environment sooner or later a climate of quiet frustration and bitter dissatisfaction. With all this we want to leave a very clear fact on which to reflect: positive emotional spaces require, first of all, that we invest in ourselves.

Human quality, combined with emotional maturity and assertiveness, manages to set limits to the formation of any toxic environment, for example.

If all these dimensions originally inhabit me, they will condition my behavior and therefore also the emotional climate. It is necessary to understand that any enriching emotional environment will undoubtedly depend on the psychological profile of its inhabitants.

How to create generous, positive and strong emotional spaces

Our everyday emotional spaces should be our favorite places. Those in which we can always be ourselves, those where we know that our ideas, values ​​and feelings will be respected. They are delimited places where the relational bonds with those who are with us, do not act as chains or shackles, but as warm winds that inflate our sails of hope, making us feel free and full of possibilities.

Therefore, it is not enough that they love us, it is essential that they love us well and for this, to create positive and generous emotional spaces it is recommended that we apply these simple strategies. Let us reflect on each of them below.

4 keys to building generous emotional environments

Rather than focus on the emotional state of those around us, let’s start with ourselves. What affects emotional spaces the most is personal frustration, irritability, or being defensive. Let us therefore delve into our emotions and learn to manage them before dumping our anger, anxiety or deficiencies on others.

• Positive reinforcements. Experts in emotional climates tell us that on average, people can tolerate one negative comment per day, such as a reproach, a criticism or a wake-up call, as long as we receive 4 positive ones. On the other hand, an excessive excess of positive words would relapse into an uncomfortable feeling of falsehood or artificiality.

• Constant, sincere and assertive communication. In addition to positive reinforcement and emotional caresses, a quality emotional environment requires a constant dialogue where active listening, empathy and assertiveness are applied.
• Facilitate a proper connection. In a work environment we can get along with a lot of people. However, true quality both in a work environment and in a home is having the feeling that we “connect” with others, that there is something that transcends simple courtesy or even language. It is complicity.

Last but not least, a primary strategy to nurture any emotional space is knowing how to take care of the little things, the most delicate details . Any wise look is attentive to those everyday subtleties to illuminate through consideration, gratitude or  through “a thank you for being here”, a “what would I do without you” or “my favorite place is always by your side”.

Let’s take care of these aspects on a day-to-day basis to create much happier environments.

Images courtesy of Vladimir Kush