I Love You Beyond Attachment And Fear Of Loneliness

I love you as you love the stars in the sky, because I know they are not mine but they give light to my life and my dreams.  I love you without attachment. I like you because you make my world seem more whole next to you, because you fit in my corners, because you draw trails on my maps that I want to travel, and that I choose to share with you.

This is love without attachments. They are relationships where there are no blind dependencies, and where each of the members is capable of respecting spaces, as well as the personal development of the loved one, providing an enrichment full of reciprocity.

Sometimes the word “attachment” raises the odd misunderstanding. We cannot deny that loving someone is wanting to be with that person at every moment, it is worrying, it is wanting, it is thinking every second of that face, that voice, that essence that is part of us.

Love has something of an obsession as well as a necessity, it is something normal, especially in the early stages. Now, we speak of attachment in its fullest sense when in some way, we lose our own identity and our inner balance for that person.

We do not leave spaces where we can enable the growth and personal freedom of each person. There where mistrust and even the need for control already arises. It is worth analyzing in detail.

Emotional attachment is a very destructive type of addiction

To relate emotional attachment to an addiction is not to be exaggerated. Think of those blind passions where we need to have the loved one at every moment. In the moments that we do not have them by our side, the world collapses, we distrust and develop a need to control the partner. It’s a risk.

It is important to be able and to know how to live without the other person. We cannot be boats adrift when we do not have a loved one by our side for a few days, if there is trust there is no reason to develop these excessive fears.

We must learn to live with ourselves and feel full, safe and happy with who we are in order to establish a healthy relationship without negative attachments. Love but don’t need. Share but never give it all without expecting anything in return, not even recognition.

• People need a positive attachment in our childhood to create a bond with our parents. This offers us security and the possibility of growing feeling loved and recognized.

• After that phase, it is up to us to build our identity, our personality and that integrity where we feel safe with ourselves, with what we are and what we have achieved.

• If you feel good, if you see yourself as someone safe, happy and with good self-esteem, you will be able to build a stable and happy relationship.

• You don’t need anyone to fill in your gaps, because you don’t have them. You don’t need anyone to ease your fears because you don’t have them. You do not need anyone to alleviate your loneliness because you lack them.

Practice detachment or avoid codependent relationships

Love is of no use to us if we understand it as suffering. If we see it inhabited by those shadows that mask us with the fear of being abandoned, with the fear of being betrayed or the fact of depending on the other person to such an extent that we become puppets without identity.

We know that these ideas are easy to read and understand. However, this does not mean that even knowing it, we fall into a relationship of this type. In love, no one is in control, however, of falling into a situation of these characteristics, it is your responsibility to know how to react when you realize it.

It will be time to put emotional detachment into practice to walk more freely, more securely. Wiser and able to love with integrity and without fear.

• If we allow the personal growth of the loved one, we will help him to be a richer person internally and with more nuances that, in turn, will enrich the relationship itself.
• We must understand that practicing detachment is not breaking ties. On the contrary, it is respecting ourselves and praising that complicit trust where I “let it be” because “I know that I am loved”, because I love and trust who has chosen me for who I am, and not to avoid their own loneliness.
• Detachment does not mean that you do not have the right to love, desire or hope for a person with all your soul and your heart. It is simply that “nothing owns you. ” What owns you vetoes you, and whoever vetoes you is that they do not allow you to be yourself.

• Being free inside is not at odds with creating love. It is to leave spaces to allow that passion to nourish me without needs and fears, offering the best of myself to the other person.

Images courtesy of Babs tarr, Lauri Blank