How To End Self-destructive Behaviors?

Self-destructive behaviors are all those actions that we carry out against our physical and / or mental health. They do not necessarily have to be violent actions, they can be excessive consumption of drugs, alcohol or food. They can also be addictions such as addiction to gambling, shopping, dating, etc.

Self-destructive behaviors are relentless and often difficult to overcome, but not impossible. The correct attitude is based on the willingness to change your impulses for your own benefit and not by adjusting to your environment. The main requirement to achieve this change is to make the decision to improve for ourselves.

Changing self-destructive behaviors requires certain elements that we will see below. Will you have self-destructive behaviors in your life that you overlook?

The right attitude

All the excesses and abuses towards our person are a consequence of believing ourselves responsible and guilty of something. We unconsciously consider that we deserve punishment for something we have done and we self-apply the sentence, causing ourselves harm in some way. Unfortunately, the punishments we impose on ourselves are often much more severe than the damage caused, if such damage actually exists.

Take your responsibility

Stop being or rather feel like a victim and lead your life, recognizing your failures and assuming responsibility, without destroying yourself in the attempt. Go from feeling powerless to taking charge of your life. Victimization paves the way for us because it takes the burden of our actions off us, but it is not healthy for any of us.

The only one who is harmed is you due to the belief that you cannot do anything to change what happens to you. Lift your head. Get out of your comfort zone and take responsibility for your life. You are not a victim of anything.

On many occasions we think and have the conviction that life will solve our problems. We prefer to wait sitting on the sofa until one good day everything is solved. However, this is not so. As a famous phrase says: “to travel a thousand kilometers, we must take the first step . ” So if we want to end our self-destructive behaviors depends only and solely on us. And the first step, in many cases, may be to ask a professional psychologist for help.

Delve into the problem

Having a willingness to stop self-destructive behaviors is not enough . Recognize what your excesses are and find all the information you can about them. If you consider that you cannot handle your problems alone, go to the psychologist or a coach to advise you.

Sometimes, we have been anchored in certain self-destructive behaviors for so long that we have normalized them to the point of not seeing them. The help of a therapist will allow us to realize what is in front of us, but which we cannot see.

The normalization of self-destructive behaviors can become such that not only are we not aware of them, but by not noticing their presence, we suffer stress and anxiety and we are unable to identify their origin. Many people with this type of behavior affirm that they are unwell but do not know how to identify the origin. That is why it is a fundamental fact to learn to know ourselves and internalize ourselves.

Face reality

What is the origin of the problem? Some unsuccessful relationship, you do not consider yourself capable of facing the demands of life, you have been hurt more times than you want to remember. Do not avoid thinking about this, analyze everything and face it. If you don’t feel up to it, seek help from your friends. Their vision is completely different from yours and that can be positive.

Don’t punish yourself … stop punishing yourself

What I mean is that any of our excesses gives us pleasure, even momentary, so a priori you may have the feeling that depriving yourself of that pleasure is another way to punish yourself, which is not going to help your purpose much. The best thing is to think that I can drink as much alcohol as I want, but I choose not to.

We have the willpower to know what we want to do and what we don’t. It’s not that we can’t quit smoking or drinking. It is that we do not really want to do it for various reasons that must be investigated.

Lama Yeshe, in an analogy with chocolate relates: “ Oh no! Now I’m not happy anymore! Although it is certainly not the absence of chocolate that makes us unhappy; they are our fixed ideas ”. .  Lama Yeshe tried to make us understand that it is not alcohol or tobacco or any external stimulus that makes us happy, but our attachment relationship with it. Lama Yeshe continues: “ All ephemeral pleasures are like this; and if the pursuit of happiness produces an emotional hold on the world of the senses, then you will find yourself in a lot of suffering, because you have no control over the world of the senses, no control of transience ” .

However, Yeshe gives us the key: “But cheer up! There is another kind of happiness available, a deep and abiding joy of mute experience, a joy that comes from your own mind. This kind of happiness is always with you, always available. Whenever you need it, it will always be there ” . In this way, the fact of abandoning harmful behaviors does not really consist of self-punishment, on the contrary, it is the beginning of a new path towards our happiness.

Do the opposite

A destructive behavior can be replaced by a constructive one, but never by another equally or more harmful. To stop binge drinking, what you should never do is overeat. As you can see, these are extreme. What you have to try is to reach a point of equilibrium.

Have you ever caught yourself engaging in self-destructive behaviors? Have you felt that you deserved all the damage that others did to you and that you dedicated yourself? Being aware of this and asking for help is a first step in changing this attitude. We deserve the best, if we don’t take care of ourselves and respect ourselves, no one will. Let’s learn to love ourselves as we deserve.