He Hurts Me … But I Love Him!

One of the best things about being in love is that you feel good about yourself. Not only do you believe that the other person is truly wonderful and that they will never hurt you, you also feel confident, confident, and enthusiastic.

But, as time passes, many relationships turn into something that has little (or nothing) of love. Some can even turn into hurtful, abusive, toxic relationships. How does this happen? Why is “love” experienced so differently by different people?

Analyzing what changes it and why is very important to realize the root of the possible problems that are occurring.

“Loves” that suffocate

Perhaps this situation is familiar to you. A girl says she is very happy with her new partner. He cares a lot about her, calls her several times a day and they spend a lot of time together. She is very happy that he takes care of her so much.

He also advises him a lot, talks to him about politics, finances, how to talk to other people, gives his opinion about his friends. She listens to him rapt, admiring his wisdom.

But soon after, the “infatuation” stage is over and she realizes what he really is like. He monitors his movements throughout the day, tells him who he can and cannot be with, and tells him how to do things. In short, it is absorbing and possessive. It does not allow her to be herself.

And what does she do? Nothing, continue to accept this type of “love”, because “she loves him. ” Despite her bad temper when the food has not been tasty, despite her jealousy when she visits her friends, despite the fact that she does not allow her to wear a skirt, despite it hurts, she does not abandon him, because she “loves him” .

Types of love

What happens is that the word “love” has several different meanings and there are various kinds of “love”. These are three of them:

Romantic love

It is typical of the infatuation stage and, although it is completely normal, it  is a fantasy love, where the other person is idealized, where everything is rosy. (“She really is the person I’ve always dreamed of! She’s perfect!”). But when this stage ends, some couples separate and others transform their love into something deeper.

This convergent or divergent path will be taken depending on the established link, the importance of interests, goals, vital values ​​and activities in common.

Deep love

It is the one that is based on respect, affection, trust and empathy. Differences are respected, conflicts are worked on and resolved. The individuality of each one is respected. Love grows and deepens. (“I know your flaws and weaknesses, and yet I love you. I accept you as you are.”)

Addictive or sick love

It is based on despair. It is not possible to live without the other person, even though being by their side is no longer pleasant. Despite criticism and disrespect, despite the fact that it hurts you, you love it and you cannot abandon it, because what would become of you without it? (“If you abandon me, I will die. I cannot conceive of life without you.”)

How to get out of addictive love that hurts?

The first thing is to recognize the situation and call things by name.  It may not be love, but an addiction. Are you afraid of losing your partner, are you afraid of being alone, are you afraid of leaving your comfort zone?

After you have gathered the courage to admit the problem, the next step may be to seek psychological help through a therapist who will provide you with the support you need to end this hurtful relationship.

In the future, surely, you will be able to build a loving relationship that, as time passes, grows and strengthens. A relationship where there is love, but real and mature, that enriches the lives of both.