Fear Of Loneliness

Who will notice me at this age! I can’t start at this age! Does the phrase sound familiar to you? Many people, especially middle-aged women, tend to have an appearance marriage. But, to do so, they sometimes have to endure infidelity, verbal and psychological abuse.

They also suffer prohibitions to share moments with their family and friends, and are denied to practice a profession, limiting themselves to staying home to raise their children. All this prevents them from reaching professional, social, economic goals where they develop their talents.

The fear of loneliness paralyzes

All of the situations described above produce anguish, sadness, despair,   and sometimes it leads to anger and frustration to become apathy. The couple’s relationship becomes suffocating, restrictive. Both are predisposed to the slightest attempt to converse. In others, such conversations are a deaf ear.

The agony of the relationship reaches the level of not sharing physical intimacy in the face of emptiness, and the sense of use that the woman feels. The few who still have friends are often encouraged to end the relationship. They are reluctant to seek psychological help. Family and friends wonder why the relationship is not ended?

One of the causes may be the lack of emotional or social support from the family of origin. Deep down, the woman is paralyzed by the fear of loneliness. Desolate images of old age appear again and again in his mind. It looks lonely and abandoned. Such thoughts increase fear. Remaining motionless before the life that she sees passing in front of her.

In addition, the family may begin to give reasons to stay and put up with the situation such as “where will you find someone at your age”, “look how many years are you going to allow them to go overboard?”, “Try fight and endure for your love for him “…

A fear resulting from a feeling of undervaluation

Even if a woman in this situation is supported by friends, but not by family, to leave that harmful relationship, doubts and excuses will always arise. Words such as “my children need a father” or “I will put up with my children” is an attempt not to face that fear of loneliness that he has so much.

Putting the burden on your children for not deciding is something that they will suffer. Well, even if adults try to stay out of it, they will witness the atmosphere, the arguments and the unhappy faces that are present every day in the home. The children suffer a lot living the situation that for them is also suffocating.

Now where does fear come from? There are marriages, in which the husband assumes all responsibilities, overriding his wife in decision-making. There are women who never made a purchase in the supermarket. They also do not know how to carry out procedures in banks or other procedures. They were isolated and developed a feeling of worthlessness.

They believe that they are not attractive and they will not be able to rebuild their lives as they get older. However, nothing could be further from the truth since time passes for everyone, both men and women.

If the person who suffers from the fear of loneliness believes that he deserves something better, he is aware of his situation and has a little support that urges him to break with those habits that have been twisted little by little and tightly around his neck, this will be a good starting point.

In the event that this does not happen, it is necessary to ask for help, go to a psychologist to overcome that fear of loneliness so unfounded and the result of already obsolete beliefs that will allow you to enjoy the freedom that will allow you to develop your potential as being human.

Fear of being with oneself

On many occasions, what hides behind the fear of loneliness is the fear of being with oneself. When we are alone, uncomfortable thoughts about our little worth as people begin to invade us. These thoughts settle on us and begin to sink us further and further. However, it is important to know that they are just that, thoughts. And as such, they are learned.

Many people say that they do not know how to be alone, that “the house falls on them.” If they do not have a partner they need to have friends, but being alone suffocates them. That is why it is important to reconnect with yourself and learn to love yourself, value yourself, and pamper yourself. Knowing that the thoughts that flood us are not real. In the same way that we can have negative thoughts, we can have positive thoughts.

As says psychologist Silvia Congost, an expert in emotional dependence, ” is very important to have learned to be alone, we have found that well alone, to create a relationship without attachments or emotional dependency” . In this way, when we know how to be with ourselves, we will not be afraid of loneliness or fall into emotional dependencies that can cause so much damage.

Images courtesy of Ines Rehberger.