Can You Give Compliments?

It is common to look at what the other person does that we do not like. We even let him know, not always in a good way. But what about all the positives that others bring us? The reality is that when it comes to giving compliments, we are not so predisposed to communicate them to those around us.

Why does this happen? The fact is that this fact can have different origins. On the one hand, it may be because we are ashamed. Perhaps we consider that the other person already knows what we like about them and it is not necessary to tell them. Or we may not know very well how to convey it to them without being forced on us and we are so little used to it… Read on and discover the importance of giving compliments!

Do you need to pay compliments?

We are social beings. This means that we need to relate to other people. No matter how independent we are, we do not stop interacting with others. So, since you have to relate, better to do it properly, right?

In fact, low social skills are often accompanied by psychological distress. For our performance in this area to be satisfactory, we use these skills: the purpose is to communicate and interact with others. Thus, a good handling of this type of tools will promote that our interpersonal relationships are of better quality.

For this, it is important that you learn to communicate to the other person the aspects to be worked on, in order to improve the relationship. But not only that. It is also relevant not to assume that the other person knows what we like about them and tell them. Positive sharing in any type of social interaction is a great reinforcer for that relationship.

Why? Because in this way we can create deeper bonds. When we give compliments, we increase the possibility of receiving them. And who doesn’t like to be told nice things about us? When others express positive qualities and emotions about and towards us, our positive affect increases.

What to keep in mind when giving compliments?

When communicating, it is important to take into account different aspects. I am not referring exclusively to the message we want to convey. You also have to look at the context in which we are saying  and other non-verbal behaviors that we initiate.

This is necessary to take into account when making criticisms, but also when we pay compliments. Thus, choosing a suitable context takes on special relevance. The same goes for our facial expression, which must be in tune. In addition, it is good that we maintain eye contact, but without making the other person uncomfortable.

As for the tone of voice, I recommend a soft and calm one, without being run over. We also have to be close to the other and orient ourselves towards him. Of course, not only do you have to take all this into account. The most relevant of all is that we do not pay compliments before asking for a favor, since then they will lose their value: they can be understood as an attempt at manipulation.

Like the value decreases if the compliments are exaggerated and unrealistic. In this sense, a specific compliment, based on specific actions, will be better received by the other person. Think of a time when you thought you were being fawned over and a time when you thought that the positive that the other person was saying about you really believed it, which one made you feel better?

Practice the art of complimenting!

Although we take all this into account, paying compliments is going to be forced on us if we don’t have the habit. What can we do then to make the compliments come out more spontaneously? The answer is simple. As in other areas, such as public speaking, the crux of the matter is in practice.

To do this, we can define for ourselves what we want to communicate and how. For example: “There is Pedro, I am going to approach him, I greet him and I ask him how everything is going. Then I can tell him: I know I never say anything to you, but I really appreciate the help you have given me to make this project go forward. You are a generous person and you have shown it to me . Okay, here I come ”. Do you see

It is important, in this sense, that when we do so we ensure the attention of the recipient. In the middle of a party, where the music is loud and your attention is scattered, it is still not the best place. If we have chosen that moment to do it, the best thing is that we take it to a quieter place for a few minutes. In that condition our message will reach you much better.

That is, it is important to think about what we are going to say to the other person and how we are going to communicate it. In this sense, we will start small. Lastly, it is important that we use our feelings and be specific … Complimenting is not difficult if we get used to it! I invite you to promote it in your day-to-day life and to see for yourself the benefits of this simple exercise… Increase the quality of your relationships!

Images courtesy of Eberhard Grossgasteiger, Ben White, and Matheus Ferrero.