Being With Someone Empty Also Counts As Loneliness

They say that the world is full of empty people, bodies with hollow souls that need to feed on the feelings of others to feel useful  and important in their loneliness. Alive, after all.

There are several types of loneliness. The one we most appreciate is the one that allows us to get in touch with ourselves to listen to ourselves, and to please ourselves as skilled creatures who know how to take care of their self-love.

Now, if there is a type of loneliness as destructive as it is dangerous, it is the one we feel by sharing time, life and moments with people who are important to us , and yet are empty. And of course, they are important because we have chosen them freely, because we have projected emotions and even intense feelings into them, until little by little, we perceive that there are things that fail, that do harm.

Understanding the process by which we can fall in love, for example, with an empty person is complex. And yet, there are times that in our social circle we also have friends with this trait, and even very close relatives are and continue to be empty people. What should we do in the face of this weakness of emotions, in the face of this lack of empathy and reciprocity for ourselves and our integrity? Let’s see it in detail.

Emotional loneliness in empty people

Alexander Dumas used to say that his father often complained about empty people. He defined them as pitchers. “The emptier they are, the more noise they make.” With this very symbolic phrase, we already intuit that this type of personality tends to become very noticeable, they do not go unnoticed in our lives, nor do they leave us indifferent.

Now, why do we define them like this, with those gaps? What is behind these types of behaviors?

1. Lack of emotional reciprocity

We are not going to debate here about the existence or not of the soul, which is the first thing that is usually thought of when we talk about empty people. Let us therefore understand the void as the “non-existence” of a series of basic dimensions.

• They are unable to project themselves onto others to understand, to empathize, and to understand the personal perspective of the person in front of them.
• Their behavior is based on a set of unconscious rules where the priority for oneself, and the search to cover one’s own needs, are essential.
• We say unconscious because they always act automatically, without evaluating the results, because there is no room for misunderstandings in their personality. Being wrong is a weakness that they cannot afford.

• Empty people are not good at listening or opening up to others. If at any time they do it, it is to seek their own benefit.

2. Need to submit and “cling” to someone more emotional than them

In their world, they only seek to pull the strings so that others fill their unfathomable voids, so that they cover their deficiencies by manipulating the emotions of others. However, there will never be generosity, altruism or joie de vivre, because in empty people there are no middle ground or balance.

They usually oscillate in extremes, in all or nothing, in excessive love to cover a need, to the most absolute indifference when it has been satiated, wrapping you with the mantle of emotional loneliness.

How to deal with life with empty people?

It is possible that the first thing you are thinking about is marking distance, getting away. Now, we are talking about emotions, and in general, about relationships that we establish with people who are significant to us. Everything takes a process, in which we will be ourselves and after having invested time and adequate strategies, we will decide if we have to break that relationship or not.

We will meet different types of relationships. There are empty people with whom we will get along better and others with whom we will get along worse. It is up to us to establish this assessment. What does each one of them give us? Some of these people are unaware of their lack of vision for others, but we can see glimpses of a good heart. If we have a good relationship with them, it may be time to sit down and have a frank and friendly conversation.

Making someone see your “failures” is not always negative. On many occasions, someone approaches us to correct something they think we are doing wrong. Through his advice we can think to what extent he is right or if he simply intends to cause some harm. On the other hand, if the empty person is unable to reflect on himself and does not convey any kind of positive emotion, it is still time to let go and let go.

That is to say, sometimes, one personality type can fit well with another, however, there is something that we must be clear about: people do not change from one day to the next, no matter how much we want it. They are the day to day and our own emotional balance and our integrity, the main warning markers that we must protect at all times.

How do we prepare?

Let’s now see what resources we can put into practice:

• If in your closest circle you have a father, mother or siblings who act cold and empty, deactivate as much as possible the importance they have in your day-to-day life. Remove importance and authority from your life.
• Don’t make the mistake of acting like them. Always show yourself with full integrity, confronting words and situations making it clear who you are, and what defines you.
• If today you are already aware that your partner is a very empty person, tell him how you feel and what you are capable of accepting and what not.

You are not an empty being, you have emotions that must be reciprocated, emotional needs and reciprocity. If none of this is taken care of, there are no changes: then reflect on what your next step should be.

There is no worse loneliness than that of those who only give us a formless affection. A world of voids.