Always Wanting The Impossible

Does the phrase “want the impossible” resonate with you? It may be reflected in desiring partners who, for whatever reason, are unattainable or fighting for goals whose limitations make them impossible. Even knowing this, wanting the impossible can become a bitter habit.

Although, it may seem like a certainly motivating phrase, wanting the impossible can hide a vicious circle related to the feeling of failure and avoidance of it. In this article we explain why these thoughts tend to occur and how they can harm you.

Does it always sound like you want the impossible?

Surely more than once you have desired what was impossible. This desire, sometimes, is masked with an aura of healthy nonconformity, as expressed by motivational phrases such as “making the impossible possible.” A motivation that is aesthetically attractive as well as self-destructive.

Wanting the impossible may have to do with living in tomorrow, or even beyond. Having goals and a meaning in life is necessary at times. However, sometimes the mistake of constantly dedicating our present to the future is made.

The problem with dedicating the present entirely to the future is the disconnect with the “here and now.” That is, losing the enjoyment of what we are doing. This is evident when a person constantly plans to finish studying, get a job, get married, then perhaps have children … The present then becomes the eternal waiting room for the future: an intangible and distant goal that never comes.

Why always want the impossible?

Whether at work, in relationships or in any other area, wanting the impossible can turn into real torture. So why do we get chained to this idea of ​​wanting what we can’t have?

In the first place, this way of functioning is often not conscious. Most of the people who manage to realize that they are caught in wanting the impossible, have had to suffer excessively for this reason and do a huge exercise in introspection. If you are at this point right now, you have come a significant part of the way.

Second, society has socially accepted wanting the impossible. It is thus related to real success: ” if you don’t get something, it’s simply because you don’t want it enough .” But, in reality, sometimes there are limitations that directly affect the reality principle, with our resources or with the fact of having a limited time. Sometimes wishing is not enough.

Ultimately, this phrase that resonates with always wanting the impossible can lay its foundation in personal difficulties, such as insecure attachment style or lack of self-esteem. Ideas that, generally, accompany for months and that require a reevaluation.

The attachment style

The attachment style is the relationship established as children with parents and that can mark our present in many ways. When deprived in childhood, an insecure way of relating to the environment can develop. When wanting the impossible resonates, especially in personal relationships, attachment style often has something to do with it.

The person with an anxious type of attachment defends himself against a fear of abandonment that he always feels imminent. Paradoxically, people with this attachment style are deeply drawn to people who reject them or feel impossible. This type of attachment can generate dependency relationships.

In the same way, people with avoidant attachment styles shy away from deep relationships or fear commitment. For this reason, projecting love onto an inaccessible person and wanting the impossible may reflect one’s inability to invest efforts in a real relationship.

Fear of failure

When a person is afraid of failure or feels insecure about himself, he can set goals or relationships out of reach. This way of facing reality is a defense of the ego, but a certainly poisoned defense.

If someone feels that their abilities or qualities do not make them worthy of an achievement or the affection of others, they will try to protect themselves from failures at all costs, so as not to hurt this part of their being more. The unconscious itself will try to save, showing only those positive achievements. This is why insecure people can sometimes appear to be confident or even show an air of superiority.

Thus, wanting the impossible and, precisely, not achieving it, ensures an external explanation for failure. When people do not achieve this goal, they justify themselves by saying that it was impossible. This sequence can become an eternal loop of disappointment and denial of failure, by not admitting that this goal was pursued by choice, ensuring failure even before making the first attempt.

You deserve possible goals

When wanting the impossible resonates within you, it may have to do with your love life, other relationships, or vital goals. Without really knowing why, there is a magnetized attraction towards what cannot be achieved.

However, beyond the romanticism of wishing for the impossible, these thoughts can certainly become self-destructive. This occurs when people are plunged into a spiral of frustration and disconnection with the enjoyment of the present moment.

Wanting the impossible can always be related to certain insecure attachment styles. These behaviors actually mask the difficulty in establishing healthy relationships with others. However , the social acceptability of pursuing the impossible and that it lodges in our unconscious part, can make it difficult to identify this thought and, therefore, be a barrier to modify it.

Whatever the reason, the fact that there is this irrepressible feeling of achieving what is beyond reach, it is necessary to heal the self-concept and restructure the deficiencies that were suffered, to be able to give another approach that is more kind to ourselves. This struggle will surely end when you realize that you really deserve something possible.