A Love That Is Begged Is Not Love

The love that is begged is not love, it is a lack of dignity, of self-respect. Because when you really love someone, you take care of them and avoid them pain if you can do so, but do not provoke or believe it.

Therefore, if you do not take care of those “false loves”, if you do not avoid pain, you are not loving yourself. In this sense, doing so is the first step to living love fully, so as not to fall into manipulation, abuse or victimization. Probably in that situation we think and feel that suffering is inevitable, but it is not true.

The mourning for loving those who do not love you

Realizing and saying goodbye to a love that does not love us and that does not show us attention or affection requires that we respect our time of mourning. A duel that requires in itself a space for understanding what has happened to us.

The duel for love needs reflection and overcoming, because the anguish of realizing that someone does not love us makes us feel that something is devouring us inside. We feel that “no love” has betrayed our feelings and laughed at our ability to love.

You have to allow yourself time to get angry, to deny reality, to fantasize.  Also to be horrified, to collapse, to ignore and know the parts that have been broken and those that remain intact, to rebuild the mixed feelings, etc.

All this is essential to love ourselves, to feel important and value ourselves. At the end of the day, when a “no love” is left behind, a process of emotional freedom begins that is framed in well-being by saying goodbye to pain.

Lack of interest kills affection

Love must be shown, not begged. To do so is to submit to our ability to love the worst of executioners: indifference. Indifference lives off the imbalance in a relationship and is sustained thanks to the weakness of the foundations.

Then we realize that not all “love” is true love, that “wanting” does not always obtain reciprocity and that to be happy as a couple it is necessary for both members to laugh together, be accomplices and good lovers.

Only in the absence of lies, excuses and disinterest can a love be created that essentially bases its freedom on healthy behaviors and not on submission. We deserve that relationship that, having the freedom to choose, is close, is based on appreciation, shared time and thoughts of mutual affection.

It is necessary to nurture our self-esteem, to love ourselves well

No one can make you unhappy without your consent. To build a happy relationship you have to care, love and value yourself. That is, we must show ourselves that we love each other every day.

Once we achieve this, we will be in a position not to look for someone who does not surprise us and does not show interest, not to surrender to the emotional executioner of indifference that tries to subdue us with ignored messages or unfounded silences.

It does not matter what loves disappoint us, it does not matter if we feel that we are next to the love of our life or that we do not believe in eternal loves. True and indispensable love is love for oneself and it will be from this feeling that we can separate and assert what we deserve and what we do not deserve.

Images courtesy of Benjamin Lacombe