9 Recommendations To Increase Your Self-esteem In 1 Month

Self-esteem is not lent, neglected, or left forgotten in someone else’s pockets. However, we are still that society that needs the reinforcement of others to reaffirm itself, and we continue to say “yes” with a small mouth when what we need is a “NO” with a firm voice. We forget, almost without realizing it, that few abandonments are as lethal as ceasing to love oneself …

We have to admit it, few psychological dimensions have aroused as much interest, as many publications and manuals in the publishing market and personal growth as self-esteem. At this point, a large part of the population knows how to handle concepts, terminologies, strategies and fine-tuned tools created by renowned gurus that invite us to improve day by day to develop our potential.

However… did we get it? Can we really increase our self-esteem? The truth is that not always. We left the house having repeated to ourselves several times in front of the mirror that of “I love myself, I am capable of what I propose and nothing and nobody will be able to with me”.

However, before long, we are back in the box at the exit of the vicious circles made up of negative thoughts. We come face to face with insecurity, with the fear of what they will say and we dedicate our actions to that tireless search for recognition with which we can barely breathe an  oxygen substitute into our self-esteem.

It is not easy, and it is not easy in the first place because. It is equally important to  improve and work on such basic dimensions as the perception we have about our own person, as well as the interactions we establish with those around us.

As we can perceive, in that complex fabric that makes up our social and emotional identity, there are some fringes and seams that need to be strengthened or even renewed. We therefore suggest that you reflect on these 9 strategies.

1. Learn to self-supply

The fact of not knowing how to “nourish ourselves”, take care of ourselves and be self-sufficient is a curse, a kind of spell that forces us again and again to make the same mistake, the same behavior, the same well: we look for in others what we do not offer ourselves to ourselves.

If we start a project we hope that our partner, friends and family will support each idea, each illusion, each objective and each proposal. If they don’t, if they value something negatively, we may have the feeling that deep down what they want is to throw our idea to the ground. Thus, we can come to take it as a personal attack.

We have to be emotionally autonomous people, beings who perceive themselves as valuable to themselves and exquisitely worthy to aspire to any goal, purpose or objective. In this way, and only in this way, we will be able to find the positive part of the criticisms that have this nature.

2. Avoid generic positive self-affirmations

We pointed it out at the beginning. There are those who do not leave the house without first having completed a simple ritual, that of standing in front of the mirror and repeating that of “I love myself, I am capable, I am beautiful, no one can hurt me or I am someone worthwhile.”

Well, it is very possible that the formula will work for more than one, but we must understand that this type of generic expression almost always works as “empty calories”. That is, they give encouragement for a certain time, but after a few hours they are digested and the effect wears off. They are slippery ideas that, as they are not concrete, hardly evoke memories that act as handles.

For example: “in the past they hurt you, they made you believe that you were small and insignificant, but now you have healed your wounds and your skin is much tougher. Now you are a giant, behind was the scared child of yesterday. Now nothing will be able to do with you ”.

3. Create your own emotional immune system

Having low self-esteem makes us more vulnerable to many of the psychological “injuries” that can occur in everyday life, whether small or large. We are less resistant to frustration, failure, disappointments hurt more, we have trouble managing anxiety, stress …

• We need to create a true “emotional immune system.” Just as our body has a series of organs, cells and different mechanisms to deal with viruses, bacteria and possible infections, we must also achieve the same on a psychological level.

• It would only be about integrating awareness strategies where we understand that we  need adequate nutrients that strengthen us, that serve as a defense and protection barrier:  self-love, self-confidence, a good self-concept, positivity, resilience, meaning humor, the ability to relativize, knowing how to say “no” …

4. Self-esteem does not feed only on “hope”, you need convictions

There are people who, in order to strengthen their self-esteem, say to themselves phrases such as “everything is going to be fine for me, I am going to be successful or I am going to achieve this and that and everything that I propose”.

As we have pointed out before, this type of reinforcement has a very short battery. We must understand that when we are dealing with a person with low self-esteem, it will not do them much good if we feed them on the basis of simple hopes, what they need are convictions, firm, concrete, realistic and tangible aspects.

It is therefore necessary that we learn to “feed back” and for this, it is best to focus our own gaze on our competencies, achievements and abilities being realistic.

“I am very good at social issues. I got a good grade in my university career and this and qualified to work in this area, I do not have to feel insecure because I have adequate skills, there is no reason to doubt me. I must not, therefore, doubt myself. I know what I am worth and I understand that I have high chances to get what I want, because in the past I have already achieved several achievements … “

How to deny it? Since we were children, we have been guided, oriented and entrapped in the magic of praise, compliment or pat on the back and the look of approval. We have become addicted to external recognition, and in case of not achieving it, the cause, of course, is in those own and irremediable defects: because we are clumsy, ugly, fat, shy or failures.

Little by little we move away from ourselves as if we inhabited an uncomfortable skin, a foreign body that we hate and that disgusts us. 

• Throughout our childhood, it never occurred to anyone to ask ourselves if we were proud of ourselves, if we loved or accepted ourselves. Hence, we often reach adulthood lost and frustrated without knowing where to look, whether inside or outside …

• If we really want to improve and increase our self-esteem, we must do it: we must accept ourselves in body and soul, we must take the step and understand that in reality, we are the most beautiful thing in life. There is no shame in believing so. Nothing is more important than that body that allows us to move forward, feel, experience, nothing is more worthy than that mind, that skin and that heart that deserves to be loved, to be loved and to feel incredibly strong and beautiful.

6. Explore, search, inquire

Low self-esteem secludes us in the basement of the comfort zone, in the sewers of immobility and in the dark room of fear. He whispers to us that it is better not to try, not risk and not explore because most likely, we will be wrong once again or that we will be in evidence before others.

• If we really want to perceive real and feasible changes in a month, we must do it: explore, search, investigate …

• It is not necessary to be completely sure of something to “try” new things, we must take risks and improvise more frequently, letting ourselves be carried away by the principle of intuition and by the sense of pleasure rather than by the shadow of fear and worry.

7. Find a balance between reason and intuition

People with low self-esteem have an inordinate tendency to rationalize everything. “If I do this they can think the other, I must do that so that they realize that I am capable.” “I better avoid this because I can fail, it is better that I shut up what I feel and pretend nothing had happened …”

• That rationalization and that obsession to break down every detail to the point of foreseeing what may and may not happen, often leads us to very destructive states of anxiety.
• We must recover the smell, sense and taste of our emotions allowing ourselves to be free from fear and insecurity.

Dare to taste the pleasure of prioritizing yourself, of putting yourself as the top priority in your day to day life and of nourishing yourself as you deserve without so many chains, pressures and reluctance.

8. Praising yourself from time to time is in good taste

Self-praise is necessary and very useful to increase one’s self-esteem. However, we must take care of a small nuance: we should not give them lightly and in an exaggerated or excessive way, but when we have done something well, something to be proud of.

• “Today I was able to tell this person that I am not going to go to his birthday party” ⇔  I feel proud of myself because I am already managing to be congruent between my wishes and my actions.

• “Today I feel good about myself because I have managed to carry out my goal despite the fact that no one trusted me to achieve it.”

9. Reward yourself every day, you deserve it

It is very possible that in your day to day you focus every effort, thought and energy on rewarding others, on helping them, on making life easier for them, on forcibly fitting into their maps, in their expectations, in what they expect of you.

This long-term focus on life can only offer you one fruit: suffering.

To improve your self-esteem and start seeing real changes in a month, learn to reward yourself every day in different and varied ways:

• Give yourself time.
• Go for a walk, a run, a walk through a natural environment.

• Treat yourself to a cup of coffee with yourself and start an inner chat where you set priorities.
• Treat yourself to a book, a little getaway, an hour of silence and solitude.
• Reward yourself every day by being consistent with your wishes and actions.
• Treat yourself to good people in your life and put aside those who make you uncomfortable, those who put pins to your self-esteem.

To conclude, we are aware that repairing and healing the fragments of a wounded or fragmented self-esteem takes time. However, such a craft needs two basic components: will and perseverance. Little by little we will find that ideal dimension where through the perfect distances and trust, we will love each other a little more without fear, guilt or shocks. The very path to achieve it is already worth it.

Bibliographic references

-Nathaniel Branden (1994) “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem” . New York: Bantan Books

-Luis Rojas-Marcos (2007) “Self-esteem, live better . ” Barcelona: Espasa Today

-Walter Riso (2012) “Fall in love with you: The essential value of self-esteem . ” Valencia: Ocean

Images courtesy Katrhin Honesta