7 Ways To Identify A Master Of Manipulation

Manipulation is the order of the day in today’s world. It is manipulated from power, the media and, of course, also in interpersonal relationships. In fact, with some frequency we meet a master manipulator in our day to day life.

Manipulation is a form of emotional blackmail. A behavior is set in motion to induce the other to think, feel or act without realizing it, in the way the manipulator wants him to.

And that is precisely the great problem of manipulation: it is a covert behavior, which is not always detectable by those who are a victim of it. Hence, many take the bait and end up allowing handlers to get away with it.

That is why it is very important to learn to identify the tactics used by manipulators. Here are 7 ways to identify a master of manipulation.

1. It makes you feel guilty and you don’t know why

A master of manipulation goes to victimization constantly. It is very likely that they have a “wild card trauma”, that is, some difficult episode in their life that they always expose as a justification for what they do incorrectly.

The “difficult childhood”, the “ungrateful children”, the “bad luck” and other formulas like that are his favorites. What discovers them is that they show off those emotional scars with some pride and even end up bragging about them.

If, for example, you complain to them for their lack of consideration, they respond by saying something like “you get angry because I am not a retailer, but I had to put up with a father who abandoned me when I was three years old.” Thus, they disarm you with their traumas. Who is going to be so insensitive as to complain to someone who has such a past? This is his game.

2. It threatens you with subtlety

Threatening indirectly is one of the most recurrent tactics among manipulators. They have used it and continue to use it from the great leaders to the small domestic tyrants, passing through seasoned publicists. This tactic consists of anticipating the worst possible outcome as a consequence of any of your behaviors.

“If you keep eating that way, in 6 months you will be like a whale.” They do not want you to eat and they probably have no arguments to certify what they say, they simply wish you not to act like that. Maybe they are bothered by how happy you are when you eat ice cream, or they think you are spending too much money on food. They do not openly tell you what they think, but merely announce a hecatomb.

3. Disqualify what you do through sarcasm

If there’s one thing a master manipulator hates, it’s direct communication. “They do not call you a dog, but they offer you a bone,” goes the popular saying. They often use sarcasm to ridicule you or downplay the value of your thoughts, feelings, or actions. The manipulator wants others to feel insecure and inferior.

An example of this is when they send you a seemingly friendly message, but that contains quite aggressive content : “Maybe if you read a little more you could have more select friends.” Translated it means: “You are an uneducated person and that is why your friends are poor devils.”

Sometimes the victim of the manipulator comes to believe that these kinds of insights are ways to help him be better. Nothing more false. When someone wants to help another, use direct and honest communication. In addition, it does not disqualify you, but rather gives you a concrete contribution.

Without knowing how, suddenly the master of manipulation becomes a kind of “spiritual guide” for your life. They are extremely adept at telling others how they should live, even if they themselves do not put into practice all that they proclaim.

They give you advice or expose you great philosophical maxims. They tell you what to do, step by step. If it doesn’t work, they blame you. He told you what you should do, there you if you did not follow exactly the instructions that he so generously offered you.

A good friend, a good counselor, does not tell you what to do. Rather, it helps you to discover it, because everyone is different and the answer that is valid for “A” may not be valid for “B”. Who loves you well, wants you free, not dependent.

6. He is good at speaking and also at changing the subject

The masters of manipulation are usually also masters in the art of the word. They use flowery and fluid speeches. They always have a surprising or ingenious argument at hand, even if it is based on a lie.

If they ridicule you, saying for example “In that dress you look like a penguin” and you get upset, they will immediately add “Sorry, I didn’t think you were so sensitive to jokes”. Yes or yes, they always win. They are magicians to play dumb.

If you confront them, they probably won’t respond to you. They divert the conversation to other topics and when you least realize it, they are talking about matters that have nothing to do with what you initially claimed.

7. “Flip the cake” with ease

“Flip the cake” means that they break the glass, but it is you who ends up paying for it and offering all kinds of excuses.

A very classic example of a master manipulator is the husband whose wife has caught cheating on her. When the woman pulls out the motel bill he found in her pocket, he becomes enraged and complains about snooping through her personal belongings. He launches a long spiel at her about the importance of trust in a relationship and about respecting spaces.

In the end, the woman feels so wrong that she ends up apologizing for being so “controlling” and the issue of infidelity ends up looking like a misunderstanding that never should have occurred.

Images courtesy of Art PK, Holly Clifton-Brown